Will they never learn?

Guess what my owners bought me? You guessed it: another squirrel. Do they really think this one is going to last longer? Whatever. It's not my $5.95, so bring it on.

This one did not come with a name, like Nuts. I think I'll name it...well, why even name it if it's only going to last a week or 2, right? Fine. Let's call this one: Roadkill.

R.I.P Nuts the Squirrel

Nuts the Squirrel was found dead last night at 7:19PM. The cause of death is currently unknown.

First on the scene, Bryan Mills, had this statement. "Nuts the Squirrel's remains were found strewn at the base of the sectional couch in the living room. The tail had been removed in a very grotesque manner, indicative of a gang initiation or occult ritual...or just a crazy puppy with really strong teeth.


The remains of Nuts the Squirrel, absent tail


We have a suspect at this time, Royal's Gold Coast Surfer; street name: Brisbane. He was found with the inner stuffing stuck in his jaws, sitting at the scene of the crime. He is presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, though his guilt appears to be a foregone conclusion.


The Suspect (identity hidden as this is an on-going investigation)

It's always sad to see these things happen. Puppies do some crazy things and no matter how much you try to teach them respect for their toys, the peer pressure to be bad is always there and it's up to us to show them the right way so things like this don't happen. Unfortunately, Nuts was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He will be missed."

Nuts the squirrel is survived by The Penguin, Little Man and Hedgehog #2. He will be buried in The Graveyard along with other fallen stuffed animal toys.

You're in my world, Nuts...

I want you to meet Nuts. Nuts is a fuzzy little squirrel my owners bought me last week. He's cute, he squeaks, his tail crinkles when you bite it; he's a great toy for a puppy like myself. Too bad his fate was decided the second some factory in China began stitching him together.

See, Brisbane doesn't play nicely. I like to massacre my stuffed toys with extreme prejudice. This little guy never knew when he was picked up from Pet Supply that he would live such a violent, oppressed life and be destined to arrive in pieces at the bottom of my toy bin, or as I like to call it: "The Graveyard." The Graveyard is filled with the remnants of chewy toys, toys I don't like and the pelts of my victims. Pay heed: The Graveyard is no place for the meek.

So, Nuts, enjoy the playtime while you can for you, too, shall become a pelt at the bottom of The Graveyard like Hedgehog #1 and Green Guy...

See that little nametag around my neck? You're in my world, squirrel...

Oh, Nuts...how ever will you escape the jaws of Brisbane?


You will beg for mercy...and I shall not grant it, squirrel...